Under a Fur Coat

‘He raises a shot of vodka in the air, like an Olympic torch.’

Eating Olivier salad with friends during New Year’s in Georgia in 2022.

Four New Year’s Eves before I am writing this, I baked my running jacket in the oven.

At the time, it seemed like a practical decision. Winters in London are notoriously wet and cold — meaning, if you went on a run in the morning, you’d end up drying your sweaty clothes on the balcony during the day. Then, whenever you took them from the balcony, they’d be dry but impossibly cold to wear. I found a solution to this problem in December 2020.

It amazed me that until that point, nobody had mentioned this little life hack. Throw the clothes in the oven, press FAN, turn the knob to 200°C, and exactly thirty seconds later, you get warm, nice, cosy clothes that feel amazing to wear.

This worked great until one time, it didn’t.

One late December night, as I was about to go on a run, I walked to the balcony in the Greenwich apartment my then-girlfriend Angelina and I lived in, grabbed the green UNIQLO jacket I’d labelled my “running rags,” and threw it in the oven.

Then I cuddled on the couch with a book I was reading at the time. I don’t remember the title, but I remember the book had something to do with global warming. It was a drag, but I made myself read it anyway because I wanted to…