Making New Friends As an Immigrant Is a Lot Like Dating

‘Wazzzuuuuup assholes. New to this dumpster. Desperately needing someone to get drunk with and who wouldn’t get on my nerves.’

Sergey Faldin 🇺🇦

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Photo by Bruno Martins on Unsplash

When you’re an immigrant and alone in a new city, making new friends looks very much like dating.

There are apps for making new friends in a new city. You register, set up a profile, upload nice photos of yourself — ridiculously outdated and that border on cat-fishing — and write a one-liner, something along the lines of ‘Hi everyone! I am new to this wonderful city and would love to find new acquaintances with whom I could go hiking and share stories from my home country.’ When in reality, all you want to say is ‘Wazzzuuuuup assholes. New to this dumpster. How’s the housing crisis treating you all? Desperately needing someone to get drunk with and who wouldn’t get on my nerves.’

But of course, if you say that, you wouldn’t get many swipes. So you lie. Just like in, uh, dating.

You sit in a restaurant and suddenly hear someone speak your language a table away. You eavesdrop on their conversation and learn what they think about Liz Truss, Sunak and Boris Johnson. You learn about the woman’s peanut allergy and the last time she went to Bali where the waiter didn’t ask…

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Sergey Faldin 🇺🇦

Honest thoughts. Unpopular opinions. Not necessarily true or smart. | The Guardian, Al Jazeera, Meduza | muckrack.com/sfaldin | Subscribe: sergeys.substack.com