Escaping the Betterment Trap

Why fixing yourself won’t fix you

Photo by Taylor on Unsplash

I first started therapy at the age of 19. I never had any reservations that some people have — that therapy somehow makes you weak or that it’s better to solve all your problems yourself. This might be because my mother is a psychologist and also because, well, I am of that generation. At the time of this writing, I am almost 27.

And yet, like most people, including those who are against therapy — a notion I never understood (I mean, you’re not against brushing your teeth, are you? So why give up on mental hygiene if you stick to your physical one?) — I fell into the trap of the false promise that circulates in society: that therapy is somehow meant to fix you, change you, make you overcome your problems, and come out a better person on the other side.

This, too, might have something to do with my generation. After all, when social media erupted and became mainstream, I was still in school. I remember those first how-to videos and blog posts dictating rules for life, ways to overcome procrastination, and advice for young people. Like many, I spent most of my teenage years and early twenties absorbing any life advice I could find online: Tim Ferriss, Mark Manson, endless TED Talks, podcasts, and blog articles, including those on this platform. Wherever we looked, my generation was…